New Viruses

There are many new viruses out on the net now.  These are especially dangerous:

Bill Gates Virus: This dominant strain searches for desirable features in all other viruses via the Internet.  It then either engulfs the competing viruses or removes their access to computers until they die out.

Alzheimer’s Virus: It makes your computer forget where it put your files.

Birthday Virus: Keeps advancing your clock by another year.

Child Virus: It constantly does annoying things, but is too cute to get rid of.

Donald Trump Virus: Harmless unless you use online banking.

Health Care Virus: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.

Titanic Virus: Makes your whole computer go down.  You get a sinking feeling when your system crashes.

Texas files: This virus makes sure that it is bigger than any other file on your computer.

Teenager Virus: Your PC stops every few seconds to ask for money.

Gallup Poll Virus: 60% of the PC’s infected will lose 30% of their data 14% of the time (plus or minus a 3.5% margin of error).

Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus: It terminates and stays resident. It’ll be back!

Linux Virus: Causes the computer to hang for several days while it tracks down hardware drivers, networking how-to’s, and window managers.  Then it quits, saying that if you had better programming skills, your hard drive would be wiped by now.

Mike Tyson Virus: Quits after one byte.

PBS Virus: Your computer stops every few minutes to ask for a tax deductible contribution.

Public Transportation Virus: Makes your browser stop at every website.

Survivor Virus: Deletes your files one by one over 13 weeks until only the most annoying one remains.

Tech Stock Virus: At the slightest hint of an error, plays a screaming panic sound and shuts down your computer.


2 Comments on New Viruses

  1. Of course my fave is the Bill Gates Virus. 🙂

  2. That is funny!

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